Jessie Buckley & The Power of Curiosity: Understanding Ourselves and Others

by John Warrington, Counselling Minds 

Listening to Stories That Teach Us Something

I’ve just listened to a wonderful edition of BBC Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs, featuring the brilliant actress Jessie Buckley, who very recently was awarded an Oscar for Best Actress. 

If you don’t know the show, here’s the premise: the guest imagines being stranded alone on a desert island and chooses eight audio recordings, a book and a luxury item that have shaped their life. (It’s a show that has been running since 1942). 

It’s such a simple idea, but it always seems to draw out something deeply human. Jessie’s episode was no exception.

As she spoke about her teenage years, I found myself thinking about so many of the young people I’ve had the privilege to help over the years. 

Those years when hormones are shifting, emotions are huge, and often no one—including the young person themselves—can quite make sense of what’s going on. 

When behaviour changes, moods swing, or confidence dips, it’s easy to judge or label. 

But what’s really needed is curiosity.

In her teenage years, Jessie really struggled with having rapidly changing emotions but had understanding people around her to help her navigate a way forward. 

Curiosity Over Judgment

Curiosity is one of the most powerful tools we have—as parents, teachers, coaches, leaders, or friends. It’s about moving from “What’s wrong with you?” to “I wonder what’s going on for you?”

When we take that curious stance, we open a door. 

We create space for understanding, connection, and real change. 

Dan Hughes, a clinical psychologist, specialising in childhood trauma, identified the importance of curiosity amongst other elements, over 20 years ago. 

Jessie’s story reminded me how important understanding the meaning behind behaviour is and not just for children and teenagers.

She spoke on the radio programme about the confusion of growing up, the intensity of emotion, and how those messy, uncertain times were also what helped her discover who she really was.

From Rejection to Recognition

Before she became a household name, Jessie faced her fair share of knock-backs. 

She was famously turned down by a prestigious drama school and came second in a BBC talent show at just seventeen. For many people, that might have been the end of the story. But Jessie didn’t let rejection define her—she met it with curiosity. 

She kept asking why things mattered to her, why she felt the way she did, and what she could learn from every experience.

That same mindset—curious, open, and relentless in its desire to understand—has carried her through an extraordinary career. 

And now, in a moment that feels both fitting and inspiring, Jessie Buckley has just won the Best Actress Award at the 2026 Oscars for the incredible portray of her role in Hamnet. 

In her acceptance speech, she spoke about how her parents encouraged her to dream and to never be defined by expectation; to 'carve from your own passion'. She dedicated her award to the 'beautiful chaos of a mother's heart'. Her speech typified her drive, passion, humility and kindness of spirit. 

It’s an incredible achievement, and one that feels hard-earned and deeply deserved.

When first meeting her agent, she stated that she wanted to be like the famous and renowned actress, Judi Dench.

Now children and young people who aspire to be actors will want to be like Jessie Buckley. 

Hopefully those young people will have those around them who are also able to show the curiosity that people did in Jessie and not judge or write them off when they’re going through trials and tribulations. 

What Jessie’s Story Reminds Us

For me, Jessie’s story sums up so much of what I see in counselling every day. 

Life rarely follows a straight line. We all face disappointments, crossroads, and questions of identity. 

But when we can meet those moments with curiosity rather than self-criticism—when we ask, “What’s happening here?” or “What might this be showing me?”—we move from judgment to growth.

When those around us look behind our behaviour and show interest in what is happening for us. Not judging but remaining interested and curious. 

Generations of children and young people are written off. Some have an internal drive to rise above the position they're in and some also have the intervention of others who can see behind how they may be behaving at times. 

Curiosity turns confusion into learning. It replaces blame with understanding. It allows us to see beneath behaviour and emotion to the person underneath—the child behind the anger, the colleague behind the defensiveness, the self behind the anxiety.

The Real Desert Island

Perhaps the real desert island isn’t out there somewhere, but inside us—in those moments when we feel stranded with our emotions, uncertain who we are or why we’re behaving as we are. 

That’s when curiosity becomes our lifeboat: the willingness to look inward, to ask questions, and to understand with compassion instead of criticism.

At Counselling Minds, that’s at the heart of what I do. 

I help people listen to their own stories with curiosity, compassion, and courage—because when we begin to understand ourselves, we naturally begin to understand others too. 

And like Jessie Buckley’s story shows so beautifully, that’s where transformation begins.

Thank you for reading, John, Counselling Minds 

To arrange a no-obligation, free, online meeting, where we can discuss how I can help you, please email:

counsellingminds@gmail.com